Brigantine Moon God Guenther & The Lunar Eclipse

Mayor Guenther
Guenther & Simpson.

The following is a special letter to Brigantine taxpayers. At 9:12pm on Sunday September 27, it came to the attention of the village elders that the moon-god Guenther was growing upset. This became more evident as he gradually grew dark red with evil during the course of the next several hours.

In an attempt to understand and address this event, the city council consulted with the neighboring tribes of Stone Harbor and Ocean City. Sadly, these other communities tried to misleadingly placate us by saying that this was a natural and cyclical phenomenon. If we simply waited, it would pass. Keeping with our tradition, the council determined that this kind of backward thinking may work for those other communities, but it certainly would not work for Brigantine.

By the time 10:45 arrived it was clear that the moon-god was indeed furious. Acting quickly, the council summoned a small army of emergency personnel from our various support services.

Naturally as this was a Sunday evening, the quadruple overtime, 4 hour lunches and free food clauses were contractually triggered. Regardless, we are happy to report that through their diligence and hard work, the moon-god Guenther was eventually satisfied and by 1:00am Monday morning he was back to his bright shining self. Council noted that the harvest farmer’s market would still go on as scheduled.

The Council would like to thank all of those that contributed to this appeasement. First, thank you to the fire fighters and support personnel for using their part-time construction companies to build the sacrificial platform and for igniting the 300-foot pyre at the 40th St. beach. (A special shout-out goes to the Atlantic City fire department that showed our team how to put out the fire at the end of the night).

We anticipate that the cleanup effort will be factored into next year’s assessments.

Secondly, thanks to Brigantine’s finest for providing the necessary security, opening the make-shift refreshment bar and collecting the sacrifices. Nice job guys!

Finally, we would be remiss without recognizing the contribution of the part-time, non-voting residents for supplying both the required lumber from their beachfront A-Zone vacation homes, as well of course, for their virgin shoo-bee daughters. We look forward to welcoming the surviving family members back next year to our special town!

– Brigantine Village Elders

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